I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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