OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
