you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
