No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
