Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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