After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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