that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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