I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
