I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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