Welp...herpes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
