Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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