new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
