WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
