I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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