Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
