In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
