I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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