a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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