I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
