I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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