Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
