I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
