We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The beer is more important than you right now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
