i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
