I'm going to jail i love you
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am naked and annoyed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
