i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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