I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
