Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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