i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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