She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
