Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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