Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
