While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
