His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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