Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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