hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
