I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
