i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Everything about him screamed your future.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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