I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
