I hate all girls vehemently.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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