Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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