I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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