Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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