nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
