my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
this hospital has no fireball
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
