im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
