I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
