Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I could make wine with my vomit
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
