Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
