You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
