So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
