I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
