you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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