Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
